Writing with Confidence Essay Online Writers

Writing with Confidence

Less Effective	More Effective
At our upcoming board meeting, I would like to discuss possible ways of appealing to younger members. We can talk about how various strategies might appeal to this group.	At our upcoming board meeting, I will present a vision of how we can build marketing strategies and product offerings to appeal to younger members. These strategies will not only attract younger members to our credit union but also increase our business across other age groups.
These statements are an attempt to achieve an other-orientation; they show sensitivity to involving others in the decision making. However, they show no confidence in the ideas or policies that the audience resists.	These statements imply confidence in the change message: These are ideas and policies that will make a difference. Furthermore, the writer can make them happen. The argument is logic-based but also contains an excitement about possibilities.
Please think about how Better Horizons can help you in your banking.	We encourage you to stop by Better Horizons and make direct comparisons with your current bank. You’ll find that banking with Better Horizons saves you money, provides convenience when you travel, and offers services to meet nearly any banking need.
This nonspecific request sounds weak and unconfident. It gives the reader an excuse to easily dismiss the message.	This request lays down a challenge to make direct comparisons, confidently implying that Better Horizons can outperform competitors. It then directly states specific benefits to the potential member.

Offer Choice

Michael Maslansky and his research team have examined the reactions of tens of thousands of customers and clients to many types of written messages. In this section, we illustrate a few findings from the financial industry. For example, in Figure 9.1, you see four statements that were sent to respondents. In the hypothetical scenario that was presented to them, a company is attempting to do a good thing—give its employees an opportunity to put money in a retirement account.

Figure 9.1 Most-Effective Statements to Persuade Skeptical Employees (Creating Salary Deduction for 401(k) Scenario)

Source: Adapted from The Language of Trust: Selling Ideas in a World of Skeptics by Michael Maslansky, Scott West, Gary DeMoss and David Saylor, Copyright © 2010 by Van Kampen Investor Services, Inc. Used by permission of Prentice Hall, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

Note: The survey involved a hypothetical situation where employers would automatically deduct 7 percent of an employee’s salary and place it into a 401(k). This process would help employees save money for the future. The employees would have the option to opt-out.

The four statements state essentially the same thing but are phrased differently. Each is written fairly well and appeals to some individuals. The statement that appeals to the most people (40 percent) emphasizes choice rather than intent. It uses the you-voice rather than the we-voice, which is preferable for many messages written to consumers (this is most similar to a consumer situation). It contains three short sentences with 7, 2, and 27 words. The emphasis on choice (other-orientation), use of you-voice (other-orientation), and simple language combine to make this the most influential statement. By contrast, the other options each contain one long sentence (30, 36, and 27 words).

In the PTE, customers and clients consider choice an indicator of credibility. They view simple language (not implying lack of sophisticated knowledge) as a display of transparency and respect. In contrast, they view overly complex language as potentially deceptive.²⁹ Similarly, effective persuasive messages avoid statements that may be perceived as pressure tactics. Hard sells are increasingly ineffective in a PTE, especially in written format.³⁰ Compare Haniz’s less-effective and more-effective persuasive statements in Table 9.6, all of which you will see again in her messages located later in the chapter.

Table 9.6 Emphasizing Choice

Less Effective	More Effective
You owe it to the women in your lives to make a difference.	You can help make a difference for women here in our community.
This appeal focuses on obligation and pressure. Most readers will not respond positively.	This appeal focuses on volunteerism and contribution to the community without telling the reader what to do.
The walkathon will be held on Saturday, October 6 at 9:00 a.m. at Central Park. Do your part to improve the lives of women in our community!	The walkathon will be held on Saturday, October 6 at 9:00 a.m. at Central Park. Please join Betty and the rest of the Better Horizons team for a day of fun, excitement, and hope!
This request is a guilt trip; it emphasizes the readers’ duty.	This request recognizes the readers’ choice to participate in a fun and exciting approach to a good cause.

In persuasive messages, always be careful about being perceived as presumptuous—unfairly assuming that you know or even share the thoughts, feelings, and intentions of others. Many people are easily offended when you presume to know or even dictate how they will think, feel, or react to your messages.³¹

Show Positivity

Positivity in persuasive messages helps your audience focus on the benefits rather than the drawbacks of what you are trying to promote. Maslansky and his team’s research helps demonstrate that subtle changes to more positive wording are generally more persuasive. For example, they asked consumers to identify which of three pairs of phrases were more persuasive in promotional material about investment options.

In the first pair of statements, 90 percent of consumers thought the statement making sure you have enough money as long as you live was more effective than the statement managing longevity risk. Overwhelmingly, the consumers thought the benefit (having long-term financial security) was more influential than the possible drawback (avoiding financial loss).

For the second pair of statements, 81 percent of consumers thought the statement making sure you can afford to maintain your lifestyle was more persuasive than the statement managing inflation risk. Similarly, the vast majority of consumers in the case thought that the benefit (maintaining your lifestyle) was more compelling than the drawback (possibly losing your current buying power).

For the third pair of statements, 63 percent of consumers thought the statement making sure you can participate in the gains while reducing your downside risk was more persuasive than managing market risk. In this case, consumers were more positively influenced by the statement about risk (a drawback) when it was preceded by a phrase about gains (the benefit).³²

In addition to being positive, avoiding superlatives gives you the best chance of persuading your audience. Phrases such as best product on the market, state-of-the-art technology, or best-in-class service sound increasingly hollow. Maslansky’s research with consumers shows that terms such as comfortable retirement rather than dream retirement; protection rather than guarantee; financial security rather than financial freedom; effective rather than best of breed are more persuasive.

Consumers perceive too-good-to-be-true statements as attempts to convince them of “the merits without making a rational argument. And they [too-good-to-be-true statements] fail because they suggest an inherent bias that ruins the integrity of the communicator.”³³ Table 9.7 highlights the kinds of phrases that are increasingly ineffective with today’s skeptical consumers. Table 9.8 contrasts messages from Haniz’s projects that persuade with and without exaggeration.

Table 9.7 Statements to Avoid in the Post-Trust Era

Type	Examples That Don’t Work
Trust me	“Trust me” or “We speak your language”
Unbelievable	“Your call is important to us” or “We care about our customers”
Too good to be true	“This is the right product for you” or “We give you guaranteed results”
Excuses	“What you need to understand is …” or “Our hands are tied”
Explanations	“This was taken out of context” or “I can explain”
Fear tactics	“Are you concerned about the security of your family?” or “Act now or you’ll miss this opportunity”

Table 9.8 Avoiding Exaggeration and Superlatives

Less Effective	More Effective
You can trust us at Better Horizons to make your financial dreams come true.	As a nonprofit, member-controlled financial institution, Better Horizons can provide you with higher rates on savings accounts, better terms on loans, and lower fees.
This statement uses phrases that seem unbelievable (you can trust us) and exaggerated (make your financial dreams come true). It is positive but not plausible.	This statement focuses on specific benefits and uses words that nearly all people view positively (nonprofit, member-controlled, savings, better, lower fees). It is both positive and plausible.
Pay attention to these facts or risk losing money to banks.	Consider some of the following reasons to join Better Horizons and start saving today.
This statement focuses on fear and applies pressure. Most customers would consider the writer not credible.	This statement is inviting and nonthreatening. It uses pressure-free (consider) and positive (join, start saving) words.

Creating Internal Persuasive Messages

LO9.4. Create compelling internal persuasive messages.

Internal and external persuasive messages contain many common elements: they gain attention, raise a need, deliver a solution, provide a rationale, show appreciation for differences of opinion, give counterpoints, and call readers to action. Nevertheless, internal and external persuasive messages differ in some ways (see Table 9.9). Internal messages more often focus on promoting ideas, whereas external messages more often focus on promoting products and services. Also, internal persuasive messages tend to be slightly more direct and explicit, and they tend to be based on logical appeals. In contrast, external persuasive messages tend to be slightly more indirect and implicit, and they tend to be based on emotional appeals.